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| "Lord, you know I've cried
A thousand tears tonight
But nothing seems to quench the thirst
You keep on craving
Now I need an answer to my prayers
And you're not there"
Hopeless...
That's what I'm feeling right now. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. I'm fed up with school....classes suck. I don't know what I want to do with my life...or if I even want to continue with what I'm doing right now. I really want to play music, but there have been so many complications with the band that it's really discouraging sometimes. I'm really close to graduating, but I feel like I've accomplished nothing while I was in school. My grandma has been really sick lately, and that terrifies me. The one thing, or person, that was an absolute....that was a solid part of my life....is 900 miles away. And now there's a chance that she might stay down there. Yes, it may be a prestigious opportunity for her, and I'm very proud of her. It still saddens me though. Maybe I'm just too sensitive...maybe hearing that I may never see the one person who I couldn't live without...the one person who has brought so much joy in the 5 months that we've been dating...the one person who I'm so completely in love with that I'd do anything for...maybe it's wrong for my whole world to be completely turned upside down at the thought of never seeing her again. I guess I'll always regret not going down to Disney with her. It just feels like those summers all over again...
No one knows his/her future...but I guess I just want to know that at least I have a promising future in store for me...
I won't stand in the way of your dreams, but please don't write me out of them.
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| Where does inspiration come from?
The other day when I was at work, I came to the realization about the people there...they're always in a good mood, and always have smiles on their faces. They always greet you with a smile and ask how your day has been...even if you have seen that person multiple times throughout the day. These people don't have the best jobs in the world (custodians, maintenance workers, painters)...pretty crappy work that doesn't pay very well. But instead of complaining about their jobs, they're happy to be there and be able to do what they do. They find joy in the simple things in life...spending time with family, relaxing afternoons, warm weather. Tommy, the woman painter I work with, never stops talking about her family. And although it gets a little annoying, I find it to be pretty amazing that she loves her family that much. The biggest inspiration I've found though is Paul Barnett...this guy was on the brink of death, litterally. He finally got better, but now he suffers from fatigue and is on a ton of medication. He could complain about how bad he has it, but he never says a word about that. He is always in good spirits about everything, and is one of the funniest people I know.
I think God gives us inspiration in places and situations where we least expect them. I know that I'm not going to have a lot of money or the best job (come on...I'm a history major!), but that doesn't really matter to me. I too find happiness in the little things in life. I love spending time with my family, or just hanging out with my friends. I don't have to be doing something extremely fun to have a good time, and for that, I'm grateful. | | |
| "I am the luckiest." No words from Ben Folds (or any other band for that matter) have ever been more true for the way I was feeling sitting on the plane in Orlando, waiting to fly back to Pittsburgh. And I thought to myself as we were taking off, "If this plane doesn't make it, and we go down...God forbid...I will die the luckiest guy on Earth."
I just spent the past four days with the most wonderful and beautiful girl I know...the absolute best girlfriend a guy could ask for. Not a single moment went by that we weren't having a good time. From staying a sketchy hotel and eating at the sketchy Denny's across the road, to taking a shady cab that was an unmarked van, to dancing while waiting in line for the bus to Animal Kingdom, to dancing in the parking lot of the TTC while waiting for our shuttle, to hanging out at all the parks, to playing miniature golf and eating at Red Lobster. I loved every single second that we spent together. My best memories are with her...not only is she my girlfriend...she's my best friend.
Aly...thank you for a wonderful weekend, 4 month anniversary, and Valentine's Day. It felt so good to hold you in my arms and to kiss you again. I miss you already and I'm already counting the days until I get to see you again. Even though we're so far apart, my feelings for you haven't changed...I love you so much. I fell even more in love with you over the weekend. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I thank God for you every single day. You are a dream come true...the answer to my prayers. You are everything that I want in a girl...you're fun to be around, you're funny, you have a good sense of humor, you have a good heart, you're compassionate for those in need, you're passionate about what you do, you have strong family values, you're loving and caring, you're appreciative, you like simple things in life, you have a desire to do what God wants you to do, and to top it all off, you're are the most beautiful and attractive girl I have ever met. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us...besides a roadtrip to Iowa...all I know is that I want my future to have you in it.
I'm so glad that I came down to see you. I had an amazing time. I loved watching Illuminations and Wishes with you. You are my favorite. I miss you so much, mi amor. Aly Hutzel, I love you! | | |
| I just don't get it....
I don't understand how having prestige and having something great on your resume could be traded in for happiness.
I don't understand how things could be perfect one minute and not so much the next.
I'm trying so hard to be strong...to give it over to God...but it's tearing me up on the inside. I guess I'm just wanting to know that everything will be ok....
I knew this would be hard...but if I didn't believe that we were strong enough...and if I didn't think that we could make it...I wouldn't have been ok with it.
Never in a million years would I give this up. Not for all the money in the world...not for the best job...not for the fastest cars...not for the biggest houses...or all the popularity. Nothing even compares to being able to spend the rest of my life with the girl of my dreams. Not even this band that we're starting up. Nothing.... | | |
| Aaaahhhh.....sweet band practice tonight with Clear Conscience (our name for the time being). We have written three songs...and we've only been a band for three weeks. It just seems like everything is coming together, and all of us get along really well. We all listen to each other's ideas, and take constructive criticism well from everyone else. And to top it off...we already have three shows lined up in March. I just really hope this band goes far...not for fame and fortune...but just because I really love playing. Music is one of my biggest passions in life. I always have music playing no matter what I'm doing...driving in my car, getting ready for school, walking to class, working out, doing homework (which is probably bad), and even writing this xanga post. And while some people may not be fond of the type of music I listen to, it's still very important to me.
Aly: Thank you for being such an inspiration to me. Your encouragement and support mean the world to me. I love you so much, and I CANNOT wait until the 11th! | | |
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